There Goes My Life
by sethsduck17
Summary: Little thing i wrote about Jay and Alex. what would happen if Alex suddenly got pregnant...how will Jay react? R&R PLEASE!


_All he could think about was  
I'm too young for this  
Got my whole life ahead  
Hell, I'm just a kid myself  
How'm I gonna raise one?_

Jay Hogart looked at his girlfriend silently.

"Jay…" she said almost anxiously. She nervously twirled her black hair around her finger while she waited for his response.

"What do you want me to say?" he finally asked horsely.

She shrugged. "Something…anything."

He shoved off the building with his foot. "I can't do this," he said as he walked away.

"Like I can!" she called after him exasperated. She knew this was a mistake…but there was no way around it. Jay Hogart was going to be a father, like it or not.

_All he could see were his dreams  
Goin' up in smoke  
So much for ditchin' this town  
And hangin' out on the coast  
Oh well, those plans are long gone._

"Yo man get packed, " Sean said throwing a duffel bag at him.

"I can't go…" he said slowly and softly.

"What do you mean you can't go?" his friend stopped to stare at him. They had these plans since sophomore year; three years and now all the sudden he can't go? There was more to it than that.

"I just can't ok? Lay off," he said as he walked away.

"What'd you do now Jay?" his girlfriend called out as she picked some lint off the couch boredly.

"Fuck you Emma," he called back in response. She smirked. That meant he fucked up good. Her and Jay had never gotten along as well as say Sean and Alex, but they managed to make do.

"Seriously man, what's going on?" Sean asked as he appeared at the bathroom door.

Jay sighed and looked at his best friend. "If a girl says I'm late, what's the first thing you think of?"

Sean's jaw dropped. "Oh shit dude," he muttered. Jay just nodded grimly.

"But not only was it 'I'm late', it was a definite thing."

Emma stood up and made her way over to them and stood behind them taking it all in.

"Knocked her up?"

"Ok we really need to have a talk about girls you date man," Jay mumbled to Sean as he turned back around.

"So what are you gonna do?" she asked seriously sweeping the blonde hair out of her eyes.

"I have no idea," he whispered back.

_And he said,  
''There goes my life  
There goes my future  
My everything  
Might as well kiss it all good bye  
There goes my life.''_

Jay stood in the empty apartment and looked around dejectedly. He was supposed to be with Sean; the two of them in Wasaga Beach making 9 bucks an hour if not more. They had it all set up too. They would live for a week or two with Tyler Bishop, who Sean had made amends with after Tyler saved his life, and then once their paycheck came in, they would find their own place. Guess that was gone now. He sighed as the door opened.

"You ok?"

He nodded. "You?"

She sighed. "I will be. I mean I should've known that nothing lasts forever right?"

He just looked at her. "Thanks Emma…thanks" he said as he got up to leave.

"Jay…."

"What?" he snapped.

"I didn't mean it ok? I'm just mad that Sean left…not used to it I guess."

Jay just sighed and made his way back to her. "I know. I know we're not the best of friends or anything Emma, but…" he trialed off hoping she would catch his drift.

"I know," she said placing a hand on his knee. He nodded as he got up and offered her his hand. She took it and he hauled her to his feet. The newly formed friends made their way out of the apartment and stopped at their respective cars.

"So…right," Emma trailed off. Before it was always known that they would see each other the next day…now it wasn't.

"I'll call you," he muttered.

"Whatever," she said as she got in and sped away. Jay just sighed and looked back up at the apartment.

"What is your problem?" Alex asked later on that night looking at him.

He just glared at her. "My best friend is down at the shore taking a job that was meant for both of us and I can't be there with him. That's my problem."

"No one's holding you here," she snapped as she slammed the refrigerator door.

"The thing inside you kind of is," he retorted.

She glared at him this time. "Jay don't you dare put all of this on me. I don't know if you've noticed but you're the one that screwed me. Your sperm made this thing…so if you wanna be just a sperm donor and leave then go ahead. I don't need you anyways," she said the last part quietly, close to tears as she ran to her bedroom and shut the door. He just sighed. He could never win. He was either not good enough or….wait no it was always just not good enough. He never said the right thing, he never did the right thing. He could never just make her happy. Now she was pregnant with his child and blamed it all on him. _Well she could have kept her legs closed and this never would have happened _he thought to himself as he sat down at the table. All the sudden the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"You suck at calling people," a girls voice said.

"Emma?" he asked as he leaned against the wall.

"I heard from Sean today," was the answer. He sighed. Great, now not only did he have to deal with Alex but now he had to hear about the life he could have had.

"Jay?"

He shook his head to break his little day dream. "Huh?"

"Sean wants to know when you're coming down," she repeated.

"I can't. That's the problem," he said shortly as he hung up. He would never be able to go down there with Sean…not now.

_A couple years of up all night  
And a few thousand diapers later  
That mistake he thought he made  
Covers up the refrigerator.  
Oh yeah, he loves that little girl._

Jay leaned against the fridge. It was three in the afternoon. Lissa was down for a nap and sleeping soundly. He went to the kitchen out of habit and took out some chocolate chip cookies and sat there and munched on them. He looked at all the photo's on the door and smiled as he thought back to the times they were taken. There was a picture of Alex and him when she was about eight months pregnant. She was in a wife beater, as always, size XL and he had his arm draped across her. They were both smirking at the camera. There was the one just after Alex had her and he was amazed that something so beautiful could ever be his. At first he was afraid to hold her, he didn't want to break her. But the nurse handed her to him and he couldn't let go. Melissa Ann Hogart was his child and he'd be damned if he'd ever let go.

Then there was her first Christmas. That's when their parents first met her and realized that it was Jay's as well as Alex's daughter. That went over well. Alex ran out in tears and Jay had to chase after her with the baby in the car since no one in either family was willing to watch "the bastard child" as they called it. That was also the last time that either one of them had spoken to anyone in their family. Most of the time, they were too drunk to know anything anyways. And the comment about Lissa was the last straw. Sure the picture on the fridge was all smiles…but that was before they left to go see them. They came home that night and attempted to have their own Christmas but it wasn't the same. Sean had come back down once Jay called him and told him what happened, plus he wanted to see them and his god-daughter. He gave her some plastic blocks, which she had promptly thrown at him. Sean was shielding his head and Lissa was chucking the blocks while Alex was in the background, trying to scold but instead laughing hysterically.

And of course, Lissa's first run in with spaghetti too. Jay had made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and gave her some. She ate a little bit and grinned…and then put the bowl on her head. Jay snapped the picture while she had a meatball making its way down the side of her face and spaghetti in between her eyes. She had this grin on her face that ensued the message she thought she was cute. He snapped the picture and quickly got her in the bathtub. If Alex came home and saw her the mess that she was, he wouldn't hear the end of it. So he cleaned her all up and she was sitting in his arms reading a story when she walked in the door. At first everything was great…until Alex found the little piece of spaghetti in her ear. Then Jay had to explain the whole thing and they all laughed and he agreed not to feed her anymore of that meal.

There were a million more photos but Jay was starting to feel the effects of his recent sleepless nights and headed to the couch to get some sleep. He first went to the little girls room and watched her for a minute. He smiled softly, leaned over and kissed her head, went out to the living room and fell sound asleep on the sofa.

_Mamas waitin' to tuck her in  
As she fumbles up those stairs  
She smile back at him  
Draggin' that teddy bear  
Sleep tight  
Blue Eyes and bouncin' curls.  
And he smiles_

"Melissa!" Alex called downstairs.

The little girl walked over to the stairs and looked at her mom.

"Come on…time for bed."

"I don't wanna go to bed!" she whined

Jay smiled from the kitchen where he was cleaning up. She sure had their defiant attitude that's for sure. He walked out and squatted down next to his daughter.

"Remember how Auntie Emma said she was going to take you to the zoo tomorrow?"

She nodded her head excitedly. "Well you can't do that if you don't sleep. So go to bed or I'll go call her right now…"

"No!" she yelled as she started up the stairs.

Alex sat at the top, looked at Jay and smiled. She knew he was good with her, but she loved it when he got all sweet with her. It was a side of him that no one else had seen and it amazed her.

"What?" he asked seeing her smile.

"Nothing…" she answered as she averted her gaze. He smiled back and at that moment, Lissa looked back at him.

"Love you Daddy!"

"I love you too baby…now go see Mommy ok?" he said as he stood up. She went up the rest of the stairs and into Alex's arms.

"Is Daddy really going to call Auntie Emma and tell her not to take me?" she asked in a loud whisper.

Alex tried not to laugh. "I don't know….he seemed pretty serious Lis. I think maybe if you shut your eyes and lay down for a little while he might not."

She nodded, her black hair bouncing. "I don't have to sleep though right?"

"No babe, you don't have to," Alex smiled knowing full well that as soon as her head hit the pillow and she shut her eyes that she would be out. It happened every time.

_"There goes my life  
There goes my future  
My everything  
I love you, daddy good night  
There goes my life."_

Jay watched Alex catch her at the top of the stairs and smiled as he went back inside. He didn't know he could ever have wanted Alex to not have her. There was that time right after she told him that he wanted to get an abortion, it was true. But now…he was one hundred percent glad that she didn't. Melissa was the one thing that he needed. She made his life complete and helped to turn it around. He would do anything for her…as long as she was safe. He had no idea that a little girl could ever mean so much to him but she did. He would do whatever it took to make sure that she didn't have the life that Alex and him had growing up. She deserved so much more than that. And he'd be damned if that happened to her. Not in his lifetime at least.

_She has that Honda loaded down  
With that Abercrombie clothes  
Fifteen pairs of shoes  
And his American Express  
He checked the oil, slammed the hood  
And said, ''You're good to go.''  
She hugged 'em both  
And headed off to the West Coast._

Alex leaned against the door frame as Jay bent over the car. She had her arm around her daughters shoulder.

"I can't believe I'm doing this…" Melissa muttered.

"What?"

"Leaving! I mean I never wanted to before…." She trailed off.

"Honey it's college. You go away for college and have fun and learn. It's what you do."

"You and Dad didn't do it and you're fine…I mean I love Toronto…"

"No. But we would have if we could. And I know you love it here, but there are so many more things in store for you. More that what this place can give you."

"I don't know why I'm so….scared," her daughter trailed off fighting tears.

"It's ok," Alex said as she hugged her. "You'll be fine. You're meeting up with Amanda there and you two will have a blast," she said as she mentioned Emma's daughter.

Melissa nodded and wiped her eyes as Jay came over. "What's going on?"

"Nothing Dad," she laughed.

He nodded as he stood there and looked at his daughter. Eighteen years ago he never would have imagined this…feeling this way…having to do this…

"You're…uumm…you're good to go," he said quietly breaking his daydream.

She nodded. "Thanks."

He pulled out his wallet and she sighed. "Dad! Stop it! I have enough money…I saved all my paychecks for the past like four months…I'm good!"

"Just in case, "he said as he passed his credit card to her.

"Oh honey take that and run," Alex said jokingly. "Even I never got my hands on that!"

"That's because I didn't wanna come home to find you and Paige sitting in the middle of a home mini-mall!" he retorted.

Melissa laughed as she looked at them and then headed to her car to put her purse in there.

"You have everything?" Alex asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm good."

Alex gave her a hug and then turned to her husband. Jay gave her a hug and then backed away. "Call us when you get there," he said.

She nodded as a tear escaped her eye. "I will," she whispered as she got in the car. As it drove it away Alex went back inside, leaving Jay out there staring after her. He hated saying goodbyes…he always has. He turned to go but the sound of a car stopped him. He turned back around to see Melissa standing there.

"Dad…" she trailed off.

He looked at her and then walked over and gave her a long hug. "I love you Daddy," she whispered against his shoulder before she got in her car and drove off again; this time not coming back. He stood there watching the car grow smaller, tears escaping his own eyes. He swiped at them as Alex came back outside.

_And he cried,  
"There goes my life  
There goes my future  
My everything  
I love you  
Baby, good bye"._

"Jay?"

He looked at her and she smiled a small smile. "Hard isn't it?"

"I hate this," he muttered.

She nodded as she leaned against him. "She'll be back."

"I know," he sighed.

"Come on, let's go inside," she said as she took his hand and led him inside. He got in the house and looked around. It was eerily quite to him.

"It's too quite…" he said quietly as his eyes clouded over again.

"She's not even out of town yet Jay!"

He shrugged. "You know how I am with goodbyes. I didn't talk to anyone for a while after Sean left."

Alex nodded remembering that. "Well let's go. Sean's coming in and we're supposed to meet him at the airport."

He nodded as they walked out of the house. Loose your daughter to college and gain an old friend back for a week. Funny how life works.

_There goes my life…_


End file.
